The Gift by Lewis Hyde brilliantly explores gift cultures, and usury: the functioning of gift giving, before launching into artist vision as a gift to pass on. Meeting the vision is always a shock, a jolt.
In The Gift much is about how an object gains in value when it is a gift, and passed on. The artist allows themselves to be gifted the thing they transform. From God, a muse, meditation, walking… Martin Amis said novels “arrive”. How the gift is accepted and used creates what it becomes.
I was asked to make a block of EastEnders in the early spring 2023, it has just this week been transmitted. I was often surprised along the way.
Last August, laid out in a hammock, I had told my tiny social media world I was thinking of retiring. Gave myself a surprise at the strength of reaction, we do browse. The tiny media world assumed it to have happened.
The offer of work came as a relief… I needed the money. And then a burden when I realised I had to stay on PAYE. A pain in the arse, unable to claim a lot of hotel rooms and train journeys.
PAYE was part displacement; I was anxious. After 3 years ‘stenders was back shooting a pre-covid schedule, and I hadn’t done that… for 3 years. Would the square-wheeled bike still be rideable ?
Age, a stomach condition (colitis), and lack of practice unsettled me. I had spent a year teaching other directors how to work this process, now was my first whole block for some time, and I had done a said a lot of words about ‘how to do EastEnders’ was I about to trip over my own certainties?
Despite a general, “what are you doing here ? I thought you had…”, it was as though nothing had changed. I saw myself being happy and gung-ho in the office. I might be getting away with it.
There were some challenges in the script - a fantasy sequence where Roxy returns to the inside of Amy’s head, and a boxing match in the new gym, a powerful HIV reveal for Zack. They were good stories, and I enjoyed planning them. The prep time went through smoothly, was I really getting away with it ?
A crew of good young technicians and some old friends, HODs with creaky knees, came together. The shoot was a delight. I was surprised by how much I simply enjoyed the doing of it. There was one duff-duff that didn’t really resolve… the HIV one. Maybe I couldn’t make work… I knew it was ‘off’, and didn’t address the shadow, my fault.
The edit was easy and, again, enjoyable, a new editor, Richard Hannan, was very good. Obsessed with continuity, but even so he corralled my work in a way I appreciated. I have always loved editing, being edited, so this was the smallest surprise. Even so, I looked forward to going to work.
Chris Clenshaw, the exec producer, and I hadn’t worked together before. Quite rightly he didn’t like the duff-duff either, and asked for a reshoot. Normally this would lower me. But I knew he was right. And suggested how it could be improved… which he took on board.
Then I caught covid ! Like so many, after 3 years clear, the line in the tester was a shock. I couldn’t shoot the reshoot end. But I planned how to make it work, John Howlett shot it beautifully (must write to him!).
All was done, and I relaxed, realised how much I had enjoyed the experience. I was surprised to have come out not as well paid as I had hoped, but happy to have made it.
To round it all off Chris Clenshaw said he thought the block ‘a masterpiece’. No producer has ever said that to me before about my work.
I had last used the ‘m’ word with Andrew, talking about his pottery, giving it the same rating. His eyes widened very quietly.
As a model of work, Andrew embodies so much to admire. He loves what he does, he always has. His ease, attention and joy is inspiring. And the finished work is extraordinary. It is so quiet you can miss it. But I know it as an ongoing process and body, and there is grace and excitement. It’s accessibility and pleasure is in its use. You don’t have to admire it, just use it. As a consequence I do both; use it and admire it.
I had considered ‘masterpiece’ as a word to use or leave out in our conversation not many weeks before. I had used it, and saw it ‘land’, and was pleased I had said it.
I don’t know Chris that well. And was also anxious about working with him. It was easy, but distant and guarded. Both of us reserving judgement.
I am pleased he chose that word. Made my day. And that was ten days ago, and I’m still enjoying in.
It is a block of a long running soap opera. It’s not a Vermeer, but to receive that accolade was lovely. The experience is enriched, recognition effects in surprising ways.
It was a gift to me.
Yes, I was paid to do a job. Yes, I had gripes about the money. But I had truly enjoyed my work, and its outcome was appreciated. Result !
I had not set out to make a masterpiece, I had set out to earn some dosh to get me through. I had set out to do my work. Somewhere in the ease and experience I was able to think, to imagine.
There was close up of Ben, knocked down in the gym. I liked it when we shot it, because it echoed how he had been seen raped the year before, which was driving him now. I had made the connection, and kept it for me… and damn me, it was praised for that reason on Twitter. Again, a delightful surprise.
Is soap art ? I have no idea. Except it gives the opportunity for what Tolstoy called an “exchange of emotion”, which seems to me to be enough. I had practiced my skillset, I had made choices in an easy space I like working inside. I had been able to let go of nagging doubts and (maybe even) ego, and simply made what was in front of me.
The job is to create and hold a space for a cast and crew to work within. A space where they know they are trusted and safe. The reciprocity of making that my workplace, was, I felt trusted and safe too.
Practice and time and simply turning up allow a process to develop. Trusting it and muscle memory, allows me to notice what I am being offered. The cast gift me their performances. The crew bring me their preparation. It’s my responsibility to corral what I have been given, and trust my instincts.
It’s a gift I (now) have. There is a responsibility to pass it on. And that’s where the value grows. Given. Received. Valued. Handed on.
Sunday 21st May 2023